What the hell happened?One day I was… well… relatively on top of my game and now after the email application on my phone has decided it doesn’t want to work anymore I’ve got so many messages to read, I’ve got so much stuff to do, and I hardly feel the motivation to do any of it. Maybe what bothers me is that something that worked fine one day stopped working the next and may result in some very serious restoration work wherein I might lose all the data on my phone anyway. Maybe I should just delete the email account that I’m pretty sure is causing all the trouble and re-add it. But if I don’t remember all the fields properly then I lose all my contacts because I made the mistake of defaulting their save location to the wrong account. There is just so much stuff I should be doing and right now I’m just struggling to get by day-to-day on what little sanity I feel I have left. So much to read, so much to write, so much to listen to, so much to watch, so much to do. And I hardly want to do any of it, because the fear of what it all might lead to is simply paralysing. Like any path I turn down will reap more frustration, disapointment and utter failure (that’s how you spell it, apparently) of who I am. So many of the things I’ve tried to do so far in the last month or so have ended in some kind of failure. The GeoSynth review with the world’s most ridiculous opening, my attempts to record a couple of Blood Turbine pieces that would have ended better if I had been recording to wax cylinders. I just want to go to sleep and have everything right itself overnight.
If only, right? Maybe I just need to man up and just get all my little jobs done. It looks like the only direction right now is forward.