Stuff my friends say…

I wanted to counteract Tuesday’s rant with something a little more light-hearted and it turns out i have some very creative friends on facebook (no, I didn’t leave. see http://lifebackwards.posterous.com/have-issues-with-facebooks-lack-of-privacy-he for details.) This first gem was by Kathryn Hurst, a friend who I met through my wife, and organizer of @AntiSocialTap. A local comedy and improv collective.

Let me set the scene for You, We had a mould invasion in our bedrrom a week ago (yes, I do know it’s disgusting, I was the one who had to clean it!) and I wanted to know where I could get some Exit Mould, so as I do when I need recommendations, I asked on facebook. This is what Kathryn said:

“First you must travel through the rain and the wind and the snow and the hail and the sleet before reaching the forest of doom. There you will meet the Witch of All-purpose cleaning Products. She will ask three questions. If you get them right you must take the chariot of Ajax to the Canyon of Jif. At the Canyon of Jif you need to search for the See moreChemico Grail withing the Temple of Palmolive. In the far end cave of the Temple, search among the potscrubs for a small golden key which unlock the safe back home in the cleaning cupboard of all powerful spray and walk away. When inside the cupboard (for it is an unusually large and spacious cupboard) take 42 paces North East until you reach the giant ‘X’ crossing out a picture of a spider. Underneath this picture is a trap door and under that trap door is the door to the safe. Use your key to unlock it, and there you will find $10. Now use this to buy some Exit Mould from New World because that supermarket is much less scary than Countdown.”

I can tell you that nobody put efort inth their responses like that! As facebook comments go, this is practically an essay!

Next story was one I found on a page belonging to a friend who may or may not want to remain nameless, Wether or not that’s justified I’ll leave to you. Anyway, she upgraded to a newer, bigger car as people are want to do sometimes, personally my cars so far have been pretty much the same size. Anyway, when she got rid of her last car she let the world of facebook know about it, and Mike, a friend of ours left this wee gem to explain why she wasn’t driving around in the distinctive ‘bubble’ she used to have:

“I’m guessing that the scene is as follows: You’re standing on the edge of Lake Wanaka, and the Bubble is on a raft that you and David has spent a week making. As the Bubble gets placed on the raft, a small breeze comes down from the hills and pushes the raft out into the deeper waters. You turn to David with tears in your eyes and David simply See morestares long, hard and cold at the receding Bubble. You turn to the big Bow next to you, and pick up the arrow. David smiles at you, and takes his butane lighter from his pocket, he turns it on. You place the arrow in the bow, and David lights up the end of it. David now has a few tears falling down his face as he sees a reflection of the Bubble in the flames of the arrow head. The wind is now cold, and you take aim. You think to yourself, “steady… steady…” and then – you let it go. It seems like an eternity, David and yourself simply stare out towards the center of the lake, watching the flaming arrow draw closer towards the Bubble. Suddenly, the raft is on fire, with black smoke bellowing from it. You turn back to David and bury yourself in his arms… never to see the Bubble again.”

Now tell me you couldn’t imagine that as you were reading it. Obviously if you don’t know the people and places in question you won’t see it exactly as I did, but I loved it. It was awesome and heartbreaking at the same time.

How could I leave facebook with friends like these? they are really creative and an absolute joy to stalk…erm…think I said too much there…

If I find any more of these I’ll be sure to post them up.

Later.

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